You Will Never Feel Ready.

I have a rather short post today, but the sentiments are so important.

You see, for years I put off writing until I had more time, until I knew more, until I felt inspired enough. Then I finally began to take it seriously and make time. But after that I did something just as stifling to my progress as a writer: I put off publishing because I had no idea what I was doing. I wasn’t ready.

I can’t express how many times I’ve heard people, including myself, say they’ll do something later. They want to wait until they have more time or life slows down a little or, and this the big one (and today’s focus), they feel like they’re ready.

But here’s a hint: you will never feel ready.

And if you wait until you do, you will be putting off your dreams until the day you die.

Here’s the thing. In writing, as in life, it’s easier to learn to do something by actually doing it. In fact, even the “masters” don’t feel like they know what they’re doing. Here’s a quote for you:

“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.” ~Ernest Hemingway

No one ever feels ready when they do something for the first time (okay, maybe not ever, but it’s highly common). But you know what? After they do the thing once, it’s easier the next time.

Publishing my book independently was a scary thing for me. It involves a lot of expense and a steep learning curve for everything from hiring professionals for various stages of the process to learning how to upload files and make the thing to even the actual business of being an author selling books. It was super intimidating. It still is.

But it was my dream to share stories with the world, to be able to hold my book baby in print.

In truth, I don’t feel ready. I don’t feel nearly ready. But I’m moving forward anyway.

I hope you do, too.

~~~

Your turn! What authorly things have you been putting off just because you don’t feel ready? Tell me in the comments, and let’s talk!

Also, speaking of publishing, I finally got the final cover from my cover designer! Mark your calendar for February 8th… the cover reveal for This Cursed Flame is coming soon!

10 Mental Health Tropes I Hate in Fiction

Are there certain types of tropes that just bug you? Here are a few related to mental illness that I can’t stand!

For a ridiculously long time, there has been a large back-and-forth between the societal stigma of mental illness and the progress science, and society, has made in understanding and treating these illnesses. This stigma and the views of society are often apparent in fictional depictions of mental health and mental illness. And, honestly, they’re usually at the best not very good and at the worst downright dangerous and harmful. And this is coming from a girl who loves to read books with mental health elements to them! So today I want to talk a little about some of the tropes surrounding mental health that I just cannot stand.

There may be some tough topics ahead, and you may not agree with all my points. But hang on, friends. This is a long one.

1. Labeling a person as “crazy.”

This just irks me, mostly because when it is used, a lot of the time it is simply because the character doing the labeling (like an ex-boyfriend) is making an excuse for the horrendous behavior that led the person to their so-called “crazy” behavior. Or, it is used as an excuse to disregard a person’s feelings and opinions. OR it is reducing a person or a character to someone else’s flawed idea that is mostly just a smokescreen for that other person’s flawed ideas.

And sadly, this happens in real life, too. We can do so much better, people.

2. People with mental illness are dangerous.

OH MY WORD I cannot stand this one. And it’s current! I just saw Bird Box on Netflix this week, and boy, does it hold onto this one!

POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT! (Skip this paragraph if you haven’t seen the movie yet) In the movie, there are “criminally insane” people from an asylum who escaped after everything started going downhill for the world. And these people don’t kill themselves after seeing the creatures, like most people do; instead, they force other people to look at them, leading these other people to kill themselves. And if you don’t willingly look, they force you to. Violently.

Here’s the problem: this trope perpetuates a fear of people with mental illness that already exists in society. Furthermore, this is an unfounded fear. In fact, people with mental health issues are more likely to be the victims of violence than the perpetrators, and if you want a stat, only 3-5% of violent acts are attributable to people with mental illness (that debunked myth, and a bunch of others, can be found over on MentalHealth.gov).

3. Dissociative Identity Disorder

Yes, this disorder gets its own bullet-point.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), formerly known as multiple personality disorder, is often used in fiction to create either dangerous characters (see Point 2) or quirky, multifaceted characters. The alters (personalities) are often portrayed as just good folks in need of acceptance.

But like so many mental health scenarios in fiction, this is wrong. DID is a complex and serious disorder requiring a properly trained and competent therapist to help integrate the alters. Accepting the alters as they are shouldn’t be the goal of therapy or of the person suffering from the disorder. But instead of this, a lot of fiction writers exploit this disorder to perpetuate a harmful idea that alters can be good, or to make their character more interesting.

4. Mental illness makes a person smarter or more creative.

No.

Oh, you want the long version? Okay, let me explain. So there’s this romanticized notion that to be an intelligent or artistic person, you must be a “tortured soul,” aka suffer from some sort of mental illness. But this is yet another myth perpetuated by fiction.

Here’s the facts: people with mental illness typically find that the illness interferes with their ability to think clearly and create. In fact, I can personally attest to this.

You see, a few years back, I suffered from a pretty serious bout of depression, which I had experienced to a slightly lesser degree on and off for years and years before that. Before the depressive episode hit, I was writing thousands of words per day, and I even completed two full-length novel drafts within only a few months. And when the depression hit, I went to school, then came home and sat on the couch until 3-4 in the morning doing nothing other than watching TV. I couldn’t create. I wasn’t more creative or thoughtful or intelligent. I was stagnant and unmotivated and self-depracating. It killed my ability to live to my potential. And for a lot of people with depression, they don’t even survive to come out the other side like I did.

So yes, please, let’s stop romanticizing mental illness.

5. The weird, dangerous, or unethical therapist.

*sigh* Okay. So fiction seems to mostly have two options for treatment of mental illness by a mental health professional: no help (which is Point 6) or help by a therapist who is weird, dangerous, or unethical.

“Weird” therapists are those who seem spacey or are bumbling, fumbling idiots. It makes therapists seem aloof and distant, when in reality, a good therapist is attentive, down-to-earth, and easy to talk to.

But what I personally find even more alarming are the portrayals of therapists who do things that are unethical and, quite frankly, dangerous. They experiment on their clients or patients. They torture them. They form relationships with them that step beyond the appropriate professional relationship. It bothers me.

And why do I hate these so much? Because they scare people by painting an image of a horror movie or ridiculous scenario every time someone suggests therapy. And it can keep people from seeking the help they need. And that is dangerous to their well-being.

6. There are no therapists.

On the other end of the spectrum are the stories where mental illness runs rampant and unchecked or there is never anything to address traumatic experiences. These are the stories where the kid watches his parents die, but no one bothers to consider how that might impact him emotionally or psychologically. Or the girl going through a manic episode just keeps getting worse because no one seems to notice. The reality of life with mental issues and illnesses is ignored in favor of drama. And that is also not okay. I see it spreading a message of hopelessness and feelings of being unnoticed and unimportant. We need more realistic pictures of therapy across the board.

7. Mental illness as a “quirk” or “flaw.”

This is another pet peeve of mine. Writers will take a person, decide they’re too bland or uninteresting, and give them a mental illness, like OCD, to make them more interesting or quirky. Or their character is too perfect, so to give them a flaw, they give them severe and crippling anxiety.

Now, it’s perfectly fine to write characters with mental illness (and in fact there should be plenty of them, since so many people experience them). But what’s not okay is using them as a sideshow for the story. The illness needs to be purposeful and sensitive, and it shouldn’t be used for comedy or to imply that having a mental illness makes a person flawed. There are so many other flaws out there that mental illness shouldn’t be used as one of them.

8. Mental illness can be overcome by trying just a little bit harder.

This one also angers me from my experience. I can’t tell you how many people told me, when I was going through my worst, to “just be happy,” or “get over it,” or “pray more.” Like I wasn’t trying hard enough to get through my problem. Like it was somehow my fault. And unfortunately, this societal attitude carries right through to fiction.

There are so many stories out there where one character will tell another to just pull themselves up by the bootstraps and get over it… and they did. And that is completely unrealistic.

And this trope is harmful, because it implies to people experiencing mental illness that it’s their own fault and their own shortcoming that is causing them to suffer.

And that’s so very much not true. Mental illness is like physical illness; even the brain can get sick. Do you tell a person with the flu to just get over it? What about someone with meningitis? No! You take them to a doctor and tell them to let you know if they need anything. And that is how it should be for mental illness, too!

9. Taking a pill immediately fixes everything.

There’s another trope where a person suffering from a mental illness will take a single pill or have a startling revelation and suddenly everything is fine. It’s the idea that a single quick fix can change that person’s state immediately.

That is not how it works.

Some medications take weeks to start working, and they work better when a person also talks to a mental health professional. It takes time. And it’s not a straight process; there are ups and downs, relapses and recoveries. It’s hard work. It’s not just a simple fix of “take this pill and everything will be great!” And every illness, and every medication, has different timelines and effects and side effects. And none of them is that easy.

10. Suicide: romanticizing or using for revenge.

We’ve finally made it to the last one. And this one is the heaviest, and the one I considered not including.

Suicide is never to be taken lightly. It’s not a joke, it’s not something you just casually throw in. And many fiction writers talk about it in ways that can make it seem appealing, like and escape or a way out, especially to people who are struggling with just living life.

And then there is the idea of using suicide as a way to get back at someone. Looking at you, Thirteen Reasons Why! These tropes suggest that suicide is a viable way out, a good way to get the last word. But it’s not. Because the person who dies is still gone. And they leave broken hearts and broken friends and families behind them. Every single one. So let’s stop making it into something pleasant and positive when it’s not.

Concluding Thoughts

I know this was quite a long post today, but mental health is something I am very passionate about, and seeing these destructive tropes in my fiction burns me up! Let’s do better, as writers and readers, to create and demand realistic fiction that doesn’t make light of mental illness, make it a joke, or perpetuate harmful stigmas. Let’s make it something for people to understand and relate to. We need to do better, for ourselves, for society, and for people suffering from mental illness.

And if you are struggling in any way, with anything at all, please consider talking to your doctor or a mental health professional. There are so many options available to you, and help is out there, waiting! There is hope. You can visit To Write Love on Her Arms, the National Suicide Hotline, or a variety of other sites all designed to help you get through the bumps and deep valleys of your life. Please use them, reach out, and take those steps.

~~~

I said a lot today, but I also want to hear from you! What are your least favorite (or favorite) tropes related to mental health? Tell me in the comments!

My Favorite Mental Health Novels

Next week, I will be discussing my least favorite tropes dealing with mental health and mental illness. But before that, I wanted to take a week to share some of the books I like on the topic! All of these are fiction, and many of them are also young adult. Also please keep in mind that though I enjoyed them, I’m not saying they’re perfect, and I’m not saying they’re always amazing reads. What I am saying is that they touched me in good ways, and they said something important in regards to mental health.

Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson

Okay. So, this is by no means Laurie Halse Anderson’s most famous book. But I think it is one of her best. This is a book dealing with eating disorders, grief, and, I would argue, the recovery process. In the story, the main character, Lia, struggles with an eating disorder that also claims the life of her friend. There is a struggle throughout the book where she feels as if her friend is haunting her, and it influences her own disorder, which progresses as the book moves along.

What I really like about this book comes close to the end: the ideas around therapy and recovery that are realistic and truthful, that the process is long and hard but worth it. This concept is rarely conveyed so realistically in fiction, and it was refreshing and encouraging.

The Impossible Knife of Memory by Laurie Halse Anderson

This was one of Anderson’s more recent books, and it’s about a girl who lives with her father… a former soldier suffering from PTSD. Unlike a lot of YA stories dealing with mental health, the protagonist isn’t the one with the most prominent problem, but rather she is the family who needs to care for the mentally ill family member while still handling her own life and coping with the problems it all creates.

I loved this book because it addresses the needs and experiences of family members, and it is an intense and real look at PTSD. Honestly, I feel this is something that Anderson does best: a real, unromanticized, truthful look at mental illness.

Something Real by Heather Demetrios

This is a different one. In this book, the protagonist was part of a reality TV show with their family for years, until it ended. And being a part of that left her with severe anxiety about things as simple as having her picture taken. And then the show gets picked up to come back.

So, the reason I like this is because it takes a critical look at reality TV, particularly the shows that involve kids under 18, how it affects the people involved, how fame changes people, and how all of that can affect the person’s mental health. As a society, we can be critical of TV stars and celebrities when they crash and burn, but we often fail to humanize it in the way this book does.

The Memory of Light by Francisco X. Stork

Not only does this book have one of my favorite covers, but it takes a look at something most mental health-related novels skip: recovery. The story begins just after the protagonist attempts to take her own life and then details her journey through those feelings and toward a more hopeful, fulfilling future.

And that is what I loved about this story. It didn’t stop at the realization that something was wrong, it didn’t stop where things hit their lowest. It started there and allowed the protagonist, and the reader, to follow a recovery process that wasn’t perfect and wasn’t a straight path but ultimately ended in a better place.

Concluding Thoughts

There are a lot more books out there dealing with mental health that I didn’t mention. I read some of them, and enjoyed many of them, but by no means all. There were also books I didn’t like, often because of their attempt at portraying mental health. But in this post, I’ve only included some books that more directly deal with mental illness that I did like, though some of my other favorite books, like Fangirl and Eliza and her Monsters also have elements of mental illness.

You may not agree with my feelings on these books, if you’ve read them, but that’s the great thing about books: they are many things to many people. Books are what the reader makes them. Everyone brings their own experience to the pages, and the times in my life when I read them gave me these impressions. I’m sure if I read them again, I would see something different. That happened with Bird Box when I watched the movie; I saw something I didn’t like that I hadn’t picked up, or remembered, about the book.

So whether you agree or not, these are some of my favorite books that deal with mental illness. You don’t need to argue with me, but I’d love to hear what books you’ve really enjoyed on the subject, what books spoke to you and connected with you. Tell me in the comments!

A New Writing Year: 2019

Happy New Year!

2018 was a good year to me. I did a lot of things, learned a lot of things, and made strides toward my dreams. Before I get to the New Year, I want to take a few paragraphs to reflect on the good things I’m grateful for today.

2018: Personal Accomplishments

This year was big in a whole lot of ways, but here are the non-writing-related things I did that were huge steps in my life:

  • Got married to the love of my life!!!
  • Visited Iceland (amazing)
  • Moved out of my apartment
  • Grew the family from 1 cat, 1 dog, to 2 cats and 1 dog
  • Learned a new (and sometimes difficult) lab technique at work, as well as a slew of other work-related accomplishments

I’d say those are some pretty significant changes! And every single one of them has been worth every difficulty and expense involved. I am happy, I am excited for life, and I am ready to continue my personal story and growth!

2018: Writing Accomplishments

Besides all the changes and accomplishments in my personal life, I’ve made some big steps and changes in my writing life. Here are the highlights:

  • Finished setting up my home office/writing space/library
  • Opened a freelance editing business! And named it Paper Cranes
  • Started an author page on Facebook
  • Started an email list
  • Hired a developmental editor for the first time (Thanks, K. Johnson!)
  • Set a publishing date for This Cursed Flame!
  • Entered a Snow White retelling contest (and placed as a finalist)
  • Got some of the most amazing feedback on a short story that I have ever gotten
  • Had my first paying client for Paper Cranes
  • Found a cover designer for This Cursed Flame

Honestly, I never imagined when I started 2018 that I would do any of these things, other than the Snow White contest. I didn’t plan on opening an editing business. I didn’t plan on independently publishing This Cursed Flame. But I found over the course of the year that these are the things I needed to live out my dreams of writing full-time. I’m not there yet, but I am that much closer!

Looking Ahead: 2019 Resolutions

And now it is time for the traditional New Year’s post: my (writing) resolutions for 2019! I don’t have many, but I think they are big this time around. Now, each of these resolutions also has its own set of smaller goals and milestones, so to keep it simple, I will use umbrella resolutions to describe this year’s goals.

  • Publish This Cursed Flame
  • Start editing the next This Curse books
  • Enter a Rapunzel retelling contest with “Of the Clouds” (or publish it, if it is not accepted)
  • Rewrite, edit, and query Sea of Broken Glass
  • Complete at least rough drafts for a winter fairy tale retelling anthology comprised of four short stories

As authors, and as dreamers, it is important to take time now and then to step back and think about your progress, your goals, and how to accomplish your dreams. In fact, I remember reading a study years ago which found that people who took the time to set goals were more likely to achieve them. I encourage you to come up with a few goals of your own for your New Year, whether they are writing-related or just for life. It’s sure to give you a boost to start out your year. 🙂

If you like, I’d love to hear what your goals or resolutions are for 2019. Let’s talk in the comments!

Here’s to a great New Year. ❤ Selina